Awesome Case of the Day--Bonus

So these two guys are hanging out, drinking.  The alcohol runs dry, as it is wont to do.  The defendant wants liquor.  The victim wants beer, because he "don't drink no liquor."  So they get into a fistfight (!) until the defendant pulls out a knife (!!) and stabs the victim 4 times (!!!).  Now, I don't like beer either, but I'll be damned if I'd cut a bitch over it.

Awesome Case of the Day

So this fellow, out of the goodness of his heart, lets a couple into his house to watch dirty movies and to have sex for the low, low price of $5.35.  Unfortunately, the male half of the couple thinks this fellow stole his paycheck at some point during the proceedings, so the couple barricades him in his house and threaten him with a knife.  The fellow ends up escaping by running away and jumping out of the second story window.  As if that were not traumatic enough, the angry male who thinks his money was stolen chases him down in the street and proceeds to stab him anyway.  Luckily, the fellow is treated for his injuries and survives.  At some point crime lab is called upon to look for evidence, and they have to pull prints from the anal sex DVDs and watermelon-flavored beer (?) being enjoyed prior to the altercation.  At last, someone who has a weirder job than I do.

Anonymously prosecuting...

I am a prosecutor.  I did not start law school with the intention of going into criminal law.  I planned to work for a big, cushy law firm where I'd sit in a big, cushy chair counting my big stacks of money (apparently I equated being a big firm lawyer with being Ebenezer Scrooge...which isn't entirely off the mark).  But the economy tanked, the market got oversaturated with lawyers, and I had loans.  Big ones.  So now I spend my days in the sublimely ridiculous world of criminal prosecution in a large urban area, sitting in a less than cushy chair while asbestos from the old courthouse rains down on my head and I listen to the most redonkulous variations on "It wasn't me!"  Which I plan to document herein...humorously, of course.